They began with: "God, I've lost the funding for my job. Do I wait and get laid off or Do I quit?
God responds: "I want you to quit. I have something better for you."
I prayed: "God, thank you for providing me with another job, but they've lost some funding, I know this is what you want for me, so I'm going to trust you. We've applied for a grant. I know we will get it because this is what you wanted for me."
God replies: "Yes, this is what I want for you BUT you won't be getting the grant, I have something better for you."
I prayed: "God, I'm starting to think I made a mistake. Is this really what you wanted for me or did I just misunderstand?. I REALLY thought we would get the grant. I DON'T UNDERSTAND! Now they are cutting my hours and I can only stay on with them as an independent contractor!! What am I going to do?"
God replies: "Yes, this is what I wanted for you. Your family needs you. I'm going to give you time with them that you've only dreamed of. I will take care of you. Be patient. I have something better for you."
I prayed: "God, Do I find another job with some stability or continue being an independent contractor? I don't really want to be an independent contractor, too much hassle. God, give me a job. I want a job that is flexible and family friendly and part-time."
God answers: "I will give you a job that is flexible and family friendly and part-time...it's called being an independent contractor. I am providing for you. Here's another contract."
I prayed: "Okay fine. I'll be an independent contractor, but God there is another grant. This grant would provide me with some stability for at least 3 years, but don't forget God, I only want to work part-time."
God replies: "Bonnie, I don't think the grant is what's best for you right now. Remember my wisdom is higher than your wisdom."
I prayed: "WHY GOD!!!??? WHY CAN'T I CATCH A BREAK!?? I'M NOT HAPPY! I'm trying to be happy, I'm trying to be content but I'm not! I love my girls... I love my husband, I love that you have given me the opportunity to be home with them more. But, I'm barely holding it together. I feel like I'm on a cliff and the next struggle is going to push me RIGHT OVER THE EDGE! I'M TIRED LORD and I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE I CAN TAKE! I wonder if your even really listening!!! God, give me your WISDOM and give me your PEACE.
God responds: "I hear you my child. I am listening. I will never give you more than you can handle. I will give you greater UNDERSTANDING and I will give you PEACE. I'm ready to show you something better, something you never expected to get out of this experience. Hear my words..."
His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence. 2 Peter 1:3*
Count it all joy, my brother, when you meet trials of various kinds for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete lacking in nothing" James 1:2-4*
God goes on to say: "I'm going to give you a renewed vision** of....
WHO JESUS IS
"He is the RADIANCE of the GLORY of GOD" Hebrews 1:1-4
CHRIST'S EMPATHY AS A MEDIATOR
"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
Hebrews 4:15-16
CHRIST AS THE MODEL OF ENDURANCE
"For you have need of endurance so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised." Hebrews 10:36
I prayed: "God, thank you for revealing your word to me. Thank you for giving me PEACE and UNDERSTANDING. Thank you for providing for my family at each step along the way. Thank you for answering ALL OF MY PRAYERS. You see the 50 foot view and knew that if I had received that grant, I would have been loaded with work and lost my opportunity that I now have to be with my family more. It wasn't what I needed. I see that now. "
God replies: "You're welcome. I love you and will always take care of you. I wanted you to have a deeper relationship with me. There were lessons you needed to learn. I'm sorry you were hurting. You can come down from the cliff now."
Coming Down from the Cliff
So I came down from "Edge of the Cliff". When I came down, I felt at PEACE and I realized there were lessons that I had learned while I was there on the edge. Seeing that clearly now, I believe that was the whole point. I didn't know it, but there were lessons that I needed to learn. I was so focused on which direction I should go that I didn't see what was happening to me, myself and I. I was being reshaped and transformed. When I was about to get pushed over the edge, God kept me from falling and I saw things clearly. I found contentment. The experiences I have had over the last year, good and bad have redefined who I am as a mother, a wife and a professional, but more importantly it has reminded me of who I am as a child of God. My faith in God is stronger than ever. I feel a renewed ZEST for GOD. I know that I will continue to struggle and have various trials in my life from time to time (Who doesn't?) but now I have a revived confidence in God and his will for my life.
Lessons Learned from the Edge of a Cliff
1. God's WISDOM is higher than my wisdom
"But the wisdom from above, is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere." James 3:17
"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." James 1: 5-6
2. God will ALWAYS PROVIDE
"His divine power has granted to us ALL THINGS that pertain to life and godliness through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence." 2 Peter 1:3
3. Testing of your faith produces ENDURANCE
"Count it all joy, my brother, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that testing of your faith produces steadfastness, And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4
4. God ANSWERS PRAYER with perfect timing and gives us exactly what we need
"And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we asked of him." I John 5:14-15
"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God." Romans 8:26-27
5. All things work together for good....
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
Side Notes:
* 2 Peter 1:3 and James 1:2-4 were preached in a sermon on Sunday June 17th entitled "Growing Spiritually". Sometimes God uses others to bring us the words we need to hear and I strongly believe this was a direct answer to my prayers for wisdom and peace.
** The following Wednesday we had a guest speaker as a part of our summer series entitled: "What the Tired Church Needs to Hear." The lesson focused on the Book of Hebrews. I had never heard a lesson on the Book of Hebrews the way that Dr. Alan Martin presented it. God's reply of a "Renewed Vision" is taken from that lesson. Another example of God providing an answer to my prayers. I encourage you to watch the video.
What's not included are the prayers I've been praying for my daughter Katie. She has been struggling for almost two years now with a pressure sore on her foot. The only way for it to heal is for her to be off her foot and in a wheel chair. After trying everything else, we opted for surgery in March. The healing time was supposed to be six weeks. After 4 weeks her foot became infected and let me just say that the healing has taken much much longer than expected. We are still waiting for it to completely heal, it's FINALLY starting to get better. The experience of having Katie in a wheel chair full time over the past 2 years has given me a greater understanding and sensitivity to the needs of those who are wheel chair bound. The challenges of going shopping, to the movies, out to eat and even to attend worship has been an added struggle for my family. This experience has created stronger bonds with some and tested relationships with others. The inability to conveniently get into our place of worship created a strong sense of anger and that anger hindered my ability to worship God. This added to my sense of exhaustion. Dr. Alan's lesson included a reminder: Don't place your hope and faith in people, but put it in God.That's really what it's all about. Several weeks prior to the lesson I had asked God to help me let go of my anger and I was working on it, but that reminder helped to push my anger further away. I still have moments, but when I do, I remind my self of who is really in charge and how he works ALL THINGS for good. Here I would add a 6th Lesson that I have learned from the edge of the cliff. Don't expect your struggles and trials to change others, you will be sadly disappointed. Instead let God mold you through your struggles and trials to become what he wants you to be and if others see God's light shining through you and are changed then that's a BONUS!
