Knowing the Will of God through Spiritual Wisdom and Understanding- A Study of Colossians

Today begins week one of a bible study I'm doing with Good Morning Girls on the book of Colossians. Instead of writing out the study on paper I thought it would be nice to just do the study here on my blog, giving me something to post AND hopefully my insights and observations will be helpful to others.  I will be using the SOAP method recommended by Good Morning Girls.
S-Scripture    O-Observations     A-Application   P-Prayer

Today's Scripture: Colossians 1: 1-14

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and Timothy our brother, To the saints and faithful brothers in Christ at Colossae: Grace to you and peace from God our Father.

We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, since we hard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love that you have for all the saints because of the HOPE laid up for you in heaven.  Of this you have heard before in the word of the truth, the gospel, which has come to you , as indeed in the whole world it is bearing fruit and growing--as it also does among you, since the day you heard it and understood the grace of God in truth, just as you learned it from Epaphras our beloved fellow servant.  he is faithful minister of Christ on your behalf and has made known to us your love in the Spirit.

And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the KNOWLEDGE OF HIS WILL in ALL SPIRITUAL WISDOM AND UNDERSTANDING so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, BEARING FRUIT IN EVERY GOOD WORK AND INCREASING IN THE KNOWLEDGE OF GOD.   May you be STRENGTHENED with all power, according to his glorious might, for all ENDURANCE and PATIENCE with JOY, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.  He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have, THE FORGIVENESS OF SINS.

Observations:

How timely this study is for me.  I have a job interview today.  I once again have been given the opportunity to listen to the WILL of GOD.  Somehow this time is different.  This time I feel a little wiser.  I am holding on to the lessons that God has taught me over the past year and half.  Like the people at Colossae I too have people praying for me that I will be FILLED WITH THE KNOWLEDGE OF HIS WILL.  I have found that life is so much sweeter when you follow the WILL of GOD.  He has NEVER steered me wrong.  When we live the will of God we WALK IN A MANNER WORTHY of the LORD.  Those around us see our walk and God's glory shines.   When we do the WILL of GOD we BEAR FRUIT IN EVERY GOOD WORK AND INCREASE IN THE KNOWLEDGE OF GOD.  Thank God, during that process he supplies STRENGTH providing the ability to ENDURE and have PATIENCE WITH JOY.  These words were true for the Church at Colossae and they are STILL TRUE TODAY.

Application:

I will continue to seek God's will for my life.  I will be still and know that HE is GOD.  His wisdom is higher than my wisdom and I have HOPE in him.  I will have patience and feel the presence of God in whatever decision is made.

Prayer

Dear God,

Thank you for your grace and mercy.  Thank you for sending your son Jesus to pay for my sins.  Help me today to feel your presence and to understand your will for my life.  Guide my thoughts and actions today.  Give me your guidance.  I ask all these things in Jesus' name.

Amen

Conversations with God and Lessons Learned on the Edge of a Cliff

So much has transpired over the past two weeks.  It's as if all of my trials have come to a head and I've struggled knowing just how to share my thoughts.  I've actually started this entry THREE times, each time scraping what I wrote.  Finally I've realized the best way is to just share my prayers and conversations that I've had with God over the past year.

They began with: "God, I've lost the funding for my job.  Do I wait and get laid off or Do I quit? 

God responds: "I want you to quit.  I have something better for you."

I prayed: "God, thank you for providing me with another job, but they've lost some funding, I know this is what you want for me, so I'm going to trust you.  We've applied for a grant.  I know we will get it because this is what you wanted for me."

God replies: "Yes, this is what I want for you BUT you won't be getting the grant, I have something better for you."

I prayed: "God, I'm starting to think I made a mistake.  Is this really what you wanted for me or did I just misunderstand?.  I REALLY thought we would get the grant.  I DON'T UNDERSTAND! Now they are cutting my hours and I can only stay on with them as an independent contractor!! What am I going to do?"

God replies: "Yes, this is what I wanted for you.  Your family needs you.  I'm going to give you time with them that you've only dreamed of.  I will take care of you.  Be patient.  I have something better for you."

I prayed: "God, Do I find another job with some stability or continue being an independent contractor?  I don't really want to be an independent contractor, too much hassle.  God, give me a job.  I want a job that is flexible and family friendly and part-time."

God answers: "I will give you a job that is flexible and family friendly and part-time...it's called being an independent contractor.  I am providing for you. Here's another contract."

I prayed: "Okay fine.  I'll be an independent contractor, but God there is another grant.  This grant would provide me with some stability for at least 3 years, but don't forget God, I only want to work part-time."

God replies: "Bonnie, I don't think the grant is what's best for you right now.  Remember my wisdom is higher than your wisdom."

I prayed: "WHY GOD!!!???  WHY CAN'T I CATCH A BREAK!??  I'M NOT HAPPY!  I'm trying to be happy, I'm trying to be content but I'm not! I love my girls... I love my husband, I love that you have given me the opportunity to be home with them more. But, I'm barely holding it together.  I feel like I'm on a cliff and the next struggle is going to push me RIGHT OVER THE EDGE!  I'M TIRED LORD and I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE I CAN TAKE! I wonder if your even really listening!!! God, give me your WISDOM and give me your PEACE.

God responds: "I hear you my child.  I am listening. I will never give you more than you can handle. I will give you greater UNDERSTANDING and I will give you PEACE. I'm ready to show you something better, something you never expected to get out of this experience. Hear my words..."

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence. 2 Peter 1:3*

Count it all joy, my brother, when you meet trials of various kinds for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete lacking in nothing" James 1:2-4*

God goes on to say: "I'm going to give you a renewed vision** of....

WHO JESUS IS

"He is the RADIANCE of the GLORY of GOD" Hebrews 1:1-4

CHRIST'S EMPATHY AS A MEDIATOR

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.  Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." 

Hebrews 4:15-16

CHRIST AS THE MODEL OF ENDURANCE

"For you have need of endurance so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised." Hebrews 10:36

I prayed: "God, thank you for revealing your word to me.  Thank you for giving me PEACE and UNDERSTANDING. Thank you for providing for my family at each step along the way. Thank you for answering ALL OF MY PRAYERS. You see the 50 foot view and knew that if I had received that grant, I would have been loaded with work and lost my opportunity that I now have to be with my family more.  It wasn't what I needed. I see that now. "  

God replies: "You're welcome.  I love you and will always take care of you.  I wanted you to have a deeper relationship with me.  There were lessons you needed to learn.  I'm sorry you were hurting. You can come down from the cliff now."

Coming Down from the Cliff

So I came down from "Edge of the Cliff". When I came down, I felt at PEACE and I realized there were lessons that I had learned while I was there on the edge. Seeing that clearly now, I believe that was the whole point.  I didn't know it, but there were lessons that I needed to learn. I was so focused on which direction I should go that I didn't see what was happening to me, myself and I.  I was being reshaped and transformed.  When I was about to get pushed over the edge, God kept me from falling and I saw things clearly. I found contentment. The experiences I have had over the last year, good and bad have redefined who I am as a mother, a wife and a professional, but more importantly it has reminded me of who I am as a child of God.  My faith in God is stronger than ever.  I feel a renewed ZEST for GOD.  I know that I will continue to struggle and have various trials in my life from time to time (Who doesn't?) but now I have a revived confidence in God and his will for my life.  

Lessons Learned from the Edge of a Cliff

1. God's WISDOM is higher than my wisdom

"But the wisdom from above, is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere." James 3:17

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.  But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." James 1: 5-6

2. God will ALWAYS PROVIDE

"His divine power has granted to us ALL THINGS that pertain to life and godliness through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence." 2 Peter 1:3

3. Testing of your faith produces ENDURANCE 

"Count it all joy, my brother, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that testing of your faith produces steadfastness, And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4

4. God ANSWERS PRAYER with perfect timing and gives us exactly what we need

"And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us.  And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we asked of him." I John 5:14-15

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words.  And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God."  Romans 8:26-27

5. All things work together for good....

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 

Side Notes:

* 2 Peter 1:3 and James 1:2-4 were preached in a sermon on Sunday June 17th entitled "Growing Spiritually". Sometimes God uses others to bring us the words we need to hear and I strongly believe this was a direct answer to my prayers for wisdom and peace.  

** The following Wednesday we had a guest speaker as a part of our summer series entitled: "What the Tired Church Needs to Hear." The lesson focused on the Book of Hebrews. I had never heard a lesson on the Book of Hebrews the way that Dr. Alan Martin presented it.  God's reply of a "Renewed Vision" is taken from that lesson.  Another example of God providing an answer to my prayers.  I encourage you to watch the video.

What's not included are the prayers I've been praying for my daughter Katie.  She has been struggling for almost two years now with a pressure sore on her foot.  The only way for it to heal is for her to be off her foot and in a wheel chair.  After trying everything else, we opted for surgery in March. The healing time was supposed to be six weeks.  After 4 weeks her foot became infected and let me just say that the healing has taken much much longer than expected.  We are still waiting for it to completely heal, it's FINALLY starting to get better.  The experience of having Katie in a wheel chair full time over the past 2 years has given me a greater understanding and sensitivity to the needs of those who are wheel chair bound.  The challenges of going shopping, to the movies, out to eat and even to attend worship has been an added struggle for my family.  This experience has created stronger bonds with some and tested relationships with others.  The inability to conveniently get into our place of worship created a strong sense of anger and that anger hindered my ability to worship God.  This added to my sense of exhaustion.  Dr. Alan's lesson included a reminder: Don't place your hope and faith in people, but put it in God.That's really what it's all about.  Several weeks prior to the lesson I had asked God to help me let go of my anger and I was working on it, but that reminder helped to push my anger further away.  I still have moments, but when I do, I remind my self of who is really in charge and how he works ALL THINGS for good.  Here I would add a 6th Lesson that I have learned from the edge of the cliff.  Don't expect your struggles and trials to change others, you will be sadly disappointed.  Instead let God mold you through your struggles and trials to become what he wants you to be and if others see God's light shining through you and are changed then that's a BONUS!

Finding God's Strength

In 2010 I was encouraged by a friend to start running.  We had walked our local Breast Cancer Walk the year before and the next time she wanted to run in it.  So I started to run. I never really considered myself a runner.  I'm short and a little "squatty", but I thought why not, I'll give it a try.  


I ran a 5K each month through November.  Each time I ran, I ran with my running buddies who were there to cheer me on and keep me going.  They helped me to find my strength.  November 23, 2010 (Thanksgiving Day) I ran the Turkey Trot with one of those buddies.  It was a VERY COLD BLISTER DAY.  In spite of the cold and yucky weather, it was the best run I ever had. Why?  Because I had someone there with me to keep me going, encourage me and give me strength I didn't know I had.  Up to that point I had never ran an entire 5K.  My friend and I were determined to run the entire race.  I don't know that I could have done it alone.  


Sometimes our life and our relationship with God is a lot like that.  Life hurdles freezing rain at us; divorce, illness, death, loss of a job, depression. (the list goes on) Just when we feel like giving up, when we feel like walking or stopping altogether,  instead of running... he gives us strength.  By ourselves we are not strong enough to handle all that life and the devil will throw at us, but with God, we are strong enough.


In this spirit and to stay in the theme of "the songs that touch our lives." I'm reminded of the song "Strong Enough" by Matthew West.  This song has been a true inspiration to me, reminding me of the fact that "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."  I hope it helps to remind you of the strength that can only be found in Christ Jesus.
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Strong Enough

You must, you must think I'm strong to give me what I'm going through. Well forgive me, forgive me if I'm wrong but this looks like more than I can do on my own.  

I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be. I give up I'm not strong enough.

Hands of mercy won't you cover me? Right now Lord I'm asking you to be strong enough, strong enough...for the both of us.

Well maybe, maybe that's the point... to reach the point of giving up. Cause when I'm finally, finally at rock bottom...well that's when I start looking up and reaching out.

Cause I'm broken, down to nothing. But I'm still holding on to the one thing... You are God and you are strong when I am weak

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength... I don't have to be strong enough

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So remember no matter what your facing right now, you don't have to be strong enough, because God will be strong enough for both of you.  He has promised us that he will NEVER give us more than we can handle and he will NEVER leave us nor forsake us.  So let go of your pain and heartache, give it to God, and let God give you HIS strength.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

Philippians 4:13

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you.  So we can confidently say, The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?"

Hebrews 13: 5-6

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.  God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

I Corinthians 10:13

The Songs That Touch Our Lives

Several months ago our minister mentioned that we should consider music as part of our devotional time. That suggestion got me to thinking about the power that music has had in my life.  There have been several songs that have touched my life as I have been at my cross road. Songs that have kept me going and encouraged me. Songs that have reminded me of God's providence and his grace.


In the next several blogs I'm going to share those songs that have touched me and discuss why they had such a profound impact on me. 






The Climb~Miley Cyrus
(I know it's Miley but hang with me.)


This song came out in 2009 when I was REALLY struggling for a variety of reasons.  The first time I heard this song... I cried.  Each time it played on the radio... I cried.  These words spoke to me like no other song had in a very long time.


I can almost see it.  That dream I am dreaming.  But there's a voice inside my head saying "You'll never reach it." Every step I'm taking Every move I make feels lost with no direction.  My faith is shaking. But I gotta keep trying.  Gotta keep my head held high.


There's always gonna be another mountain.  I'm always gonna wanna make it move.  Always gonna be a uphill battle.  Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose. Ain't about how fast I get there.  Ain't about what's waiting on the other side.  It's the climb


The struggles I'm facing. The chances I'm taking...  sometimes might knock me down.  But no, I'm not breaking. I may not know it, but these are the moments that I'm gonna remember most, yeah just gotta keep going. And I got to be strong.  Just keep pushing on


Keep on moving, keep climbing.  Keep the faith, baby.  It's all about, it's all about the climb.  Keep the faith, keep your faith.


So here's my take away...
For me sometimes we have "dreams" for how we want our life to be and it just doesn't turn out that way and if it does it doesn't happen in the time frame we think it should have happen.    And I have voices inside my head saying any number of things that aren't helpful. "Your not good enough, your not smart enough, your not pretty enough, your not skinny enough", and the list goes on.  Over the last several years I've started to let other voices speak.  "You are smart enough, and you can DO IT!"  That's not to say the other voices aren't still there but they seem to be getting softer.    AND if you have read my previous posts I have felt VERY LOST with no direction.  I just needed to remind myself that I'm not LOST, God is in control and knows where we're going.  It's hard sometimes to remember when your in the midst of struggle.


"There is always gonna be another mountain." How true is that?  Just when we think we have made it over the mountain there is another waiting.  So... what do we do with that?  WE KEEP CLIMBING!


"Ain't about what's waiting on the other side"  I understand the concept but on this point I must disagree.  It IS about what's on the other side.  That's why the climb is so important.  I continue climbing in my journey of faith BECAUSE of what is on the other side.  If I didn't have what's on the other side I'd be LOST. (Literally)  So when I struggle and face the trials of life, I'm going to keep climbing.  


So... thank you Miley for singing a song that helped remind me how important THE CLIMB is.




Up Next: Strong Enough

The Blessings of Waiting

Have you not known? Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.  He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40: 28-31

So here I sit at this crossroad...waiting.  I feel like I've been waiting a while.  Waiting to feel God's direction for my life.  Thus far he's just said "I need you to wait." 

I've discovered there are "blessings" in waiting.  My "blessing" has come in the form of time. Time to do the things I need to do with my girls and more time with my husband.

Over the past couple of months I've learned what it truly means to "wait on the Lord", and it's true, he does strengthen us.  Don't get me wrong, its been VERY UNCOMFORTABLE waiting and I have felt weak and discouraged, but isn't that the point?  Sometimes we need to be uncomfortable and feel weak so we can feel GOD'S COMFORT and HIS STRENGTH.  My journey of faith has been about complete and utter dependence on God and his will for my life.  God knows when I'm comfortable and feel strong, I  begin to forget whose really in charge of my life.  I had a friend tell me recently, "We make plans... God laughs." Oh how true that has been for my life as of late.

I left my job in July thinking I knew exactly what God's plan was, I made plans and got comfortable, then he said, "wait a minute, don't get too comfortable, yes, it was time for you to leave and do something different, BUT I've got more in store for you, but I need you to WAIT, and while your waiting I'm going to give you peace and strength to endure what feels REALLY HARD and SCARY."  Uncertainty and job instability are scary, but some really wonderful things have happened along the way.  It wasn't until times got tough that I began to realize all the wonderful things that God was doing in my life.

When my hours were cut drastically in January I began to search deeper for the will of God. Did I make the right decision?  Yes  Is it time to do something different?  I don't know.  I thought at first Yes, God's done with me here, he needs me to move on to something else.  But I'm still here and my family has not gone without.  Yes we've had to make some changes in our spending habits, but we gave up things that were not vital to our existence, we spend very little on things we don't have to have (like fast food and movies).  It's made us pay much closer attention to how we spend our money, which is a good thing.  

I've been searching and praying for a stable job that was also flexible enough to allow me the time I've been given in recent months with my family.  I've submitted countless resumes but no calls for interviews.  What's going on here God, what do you have in store for me?  When I originally looked into doing independent consultant work, I only got discouraged because I felt like it was going to cost me too much money to get started.  (Money we didn't have)  I didn't think it was possible.  I felt defeated and discouraged. I didn't know how we were going to manage.  A wise man reminded me not to "borrow trouble from tomorrow". I spend so much time thinking about God and his plan that sometimes I forget the devil's at work too.  No one was offering me anything and I didn't see the possibility in doing consultant work.  But thus far that's what it looks like I'm doing.  God doesn't give us more than we can handle and just when I felt like I was at the end of my rope, I was offered another contract which I graciously excepted.  At the end of March I should hear about a third contract I've been offered, if the grant comes through.  So until then I'll wait... patiently.  God's timing is perfect. While I'm waiting I'll spend time with my girls and husband, being the wife and mother I've always wanted to be but never had the time to do.

So for those of you who are waiting, just be patient, God has something in store for you, and it may just be something totally unexpected.  While you wait, think of all the good that is coming out of your waiting.  I would love to hear about your "blessings of waiting".

The Testing of Faith

The first time I can really remember my faith being tested was February 20, 1998, the day my oldest daughter was born.


We were so excited when we found out we were having a baby.  My pregnancy was pretty uneventful as pregnancies go.  When we found out we were having a girl, I began to dream of all the pretty dresses and the little patent leather  shoes.  I couldn't wait for my little girl to be born.  The day arrived right on schedule.


I delivered our daughter at a woman's birthing center.  My provider warned me early on that if I thought I would have any complications I might want to reconsider and  have our daughter at a hospital with a NICU.  Other than my family's history with dystonia, we had no other risk factors.  I didn't drink, I didn't smoke...everything would be fine.  We decided to stay with the birthing center.


It didn't take long to know that something was wrong.  As soon as our daughter was born, they took her to clean her up.  I overheard one of the nurses say "uh-oh, she has a quarter size whole in her back."  I'm a social worker by trade. In 1998 I was working in a maternal and child health clinic.  I knew exactly what they were talking about...Spina Bifida.  I remember feeling calm and saying to my husband, "don't worry it will be okay".  At that moment God gave me a peace that only he can give.  


I held her for a few minutes and then they took her away to be transported to a local hospital. She was in surgery by noon.  Other than the birth defect, there were no other complications with the delivery.  My doctor let me go home that evening. We immediately went to the hospital to see our daughter. Over the next two weeks we learned about all the complications that come along with Spina Bifida.  My emotions were on a roller coaster ride of knowing God would work this out and questioning why? How could this happen? Two weeks and two surgeries later we were able to take her home.  (She also was diagnosed with hydrocephalus. She had a shunt place when she was a week old.)


I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't had my faith in God and recalled that early lesson from my father that "God works all things for good, for those that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose".  God is going to use this for GOOD, ... somehow.


There were several epiphanies that I had during this time.  One of them is that sometimes there is no answer to the question of "why"?  Sometimes there are bad things that just happen to good people through no fault of there own.  Even when you do everything right (like getting early prenatal care,  not drinking and smoking during pregnancy and taking folic acid prior to pregnancy) bad things can still happen. I've learned the "why" may not be so important as the "okay now what are you gonna do".  


The other was my belief that God doesn't CAUSE bad things to happen, he allows them to happen.  Bad things happen in this world because there was a man and a woman in a garden who chose to disobey God and eat the forbidden fruit, thus bringing sin into the world.  From that moment on LIFE got hard.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.  Let no one say when he is tempted, " I am being tempted by God," for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. 

James 1:12-13

God doesn't ask us to have faith because we have no trials, he asks us to have faith in spite of our trials.

Our daughter is now 13 years old and I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world.  It's been an interesting journey to say the least and I know there are new phases just around the corner. I think the hardest part for me has been trying to explain to her why she is the way she is.  Helping her to understand that we may never know why, it is what is, now what are we going to do with it.  All we can do is live with it and go forward with the best of our ability. Just like everyone we have our good days and our bad days, but we get through them, coming out on the other end stronger then we were before.


She has grown into a beautiful young lady, one of the bravest people I know.  She is kind and compassionate and has a heart for children, especially those who are struggling with chronic disease and birth defects.  I look forward to seeing all the wonderful things she will accomplish as she grows into a young adult.


Soon after our daughter was born, my uncle, who struggles with dystonia, gave me some very good advice.  "Don't ever tell her she CAN'T do something."  He wasn't saying don't tell her no, he was saying let her try.  I have followed that advice.  I have let her be who she is and try things I didn't think she could do.  She has amazed me on a number of occasions.  Thanks Uncle Albert. 


So... to my daughter.  Don't be afraid to try.  You can do and be anything you want to be.  So go and do it!!


To the rest of you...

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.  But let him ask in faith...

James  1: 5-6a

Keep the faith, even a midst trials of various kinds.  One day at a time he will get you through it, "perfect and complete".

Finding My Bosom Friend

"Marilla," she demanded presently, "do you think that I shall ever have a bosom friend in Avonlea?


"A--what kind of friend?"


"A bosom friend--an intimate friend, you know--a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul.  I've dreamed of meeting her all my life.  I never really supposed I would, but so many of my loveliest dreams have come true all at once that perhaps this one will, too.  do you think it's possible?"

---Anne of  Green Gables

Much like Anne, I have often prayed for a bosom friend.  I remember feeling very lonely through out my teen years and young adult life.  As I reflect now and think about the friends that have touched my life, I have had many "bosom friends" along the way.  Each giving something to me that no one else could.  Each being in my life at just the right time.


I think we all have ideas of how we think our life should go and when it doesn't turn out like we thought it would, we tend to focus on the negative, at least I do.  I try and pray for God's will but usually include a "if you can make it happen my way that would be great!"  When things don't turn out the way I think they should or the way I imagined them to be then I tend to sink into my self pity state of why me? or why not me? not considering that the result of what I got was how God wanted it to be and therefore what was best for me.  In this post I'll share with you a few examples of the bosom friends God has given to me on my faith journey and finding my greatest bosom friend of all.  


As I mentioned in my previous post, my family's move to Brownsville, TX was a life altering cross road for me.  My immediate feelings of Brownsville are negative, but when I take time to think of my time there, it wasn't all bad.    I went to three high schools in 4 years.  (1 in Oklahoma and 2 in Texas)  My junior year of high school I met Jennifer and Randy.  I can't thank God enough for those two people.  They made life bearable.  While my faith in God has always been a constant in my life, my life choices have not always been good ones.  I was a typical teenager trying to figure life out, making many poor choices along the way.  Jennifer and Randy helped me to persevere in the midst of my struggles.  I thank God for them.


After I graduated from high school, I left Texas and moved to Indiana.  I eventually lost touch with both Jennifer and Randy but each played a part in my journey and were in my life when I needed them to be.  


Just like Brownsville, I often remember feeling lonely during my college years, feeling as if, I didn't really connect strongly with anyone.  Failing to see, appreciate, and remember what was right in front of me.  Yes I had friends, but did I have a bosom friend?   LOTS!  The ones that stick out to me the most, were Ann, Heather, Todd, Scott, Becky, Mark and Denise; My friendships with these folks was not always what I thought it should be, but they were there for me when I needed them, when it counted, each in their own way. Thank you!


After college I returned home to Oklahoma.  I had lost touch with all my childhood friends so basically had to start over in the friend department.  Soon after returning home I met a young couple walking their dog.  They wanted to introduce their dog to my dog.  They seemed very nice.  I thought to myself "how do I let them know I need friends without sounding desperate?"  I simply mentioned that I had just returned home from college and didn't know many people.  They were quick to invite me to play volleyball with the singles group at the church where they worshiped.  I jumped at the chance.    


I made many dear friends who I consider to be my friends to this day.  Did I find a bosom friend?  YES!  AGAIN, it wasn't what I had planned, but God knows best and gave me the exact friends that I needed at the exact time that I needed them.  


During this time of my life I began to not only think of every day friends but of life partners as well.  I'll never forget the day I sat in church with the other singles of the congregation, the boys sitting in front of the girls.  I went down the row and considered privately which of the boys I would consider dating and which boys I wouldn't.  I recall one boy in particular that I was very adamant about not dating.  I considered this boy to be arrogant and conceded.  I wanted nothing to do with him! Not what I had in mind at all for a life partner.  God had other plans.  Without telling you the whole story, I eventually DID go out with that boy, fell in love and got married.  

1995- A little younger and a little skinnier

I often tell people, Michael saved me from myself.  The poor choices I began to make as a teenager continued in college and I was on the verge of continuing those poor choices until Michael came along.  Michael, with all his conceded arrogance, was the best thing to happen to me. I had finally found my life long bosom friend.  Someone I could share my inner most thoughts with.  He wasn't the one I expected to share my life with, but again God's thoughts are higher then mine and he provides the exact best for us, in the exact time that we need it.


Michael and I will be married 17 years this year.  Those years have not all been rosy but I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.  

Today-- A little fatter but a little wiser

Though out my life God has continued to provide me with the people that I need when I need them.  No, things have not always turned out as I had planned, and but they have always turned out just as God had planned.  My closest friends now are not the friends of my childhood and they may move out of my life in years to come, but they are what I need now in this time at this cross road, and whatever happens to them, I still have my "bosom friend", my husband, and until death parts us, he will be my constant companion.






To my other current bosom friends, you know who you are, thank you for your continued support and encouragement while I wait at my current cross road.  I thank God for you each and every day!