We were so excited when we found out we were having a baby. My pregnancy was pretty uneventful as pregnancies go. When we found out we were having a girl, I began to dream of all the pretty dresses and the little patent leather shoes. I couldn't wait for my little girl to be born. The day arrived right on schedule.
I delivered our daughter at a woman's birthing center. My provider warned me early on that if I thought I would have any complications I might want to reconsider and have our daughter at a hospital with a NICU. Other than my family's history with dystonia, we had no other risk factors. I didn't drink, I didn't smoke...everything would be fine. We decided to stay with the birthing center.
It didn't take long to know that something was wrong. As soon as our daughter was born, they took her to clean her up. I overheard one of the nurses say "uh-oh, she has a quarter size whole in her back." I'm a social worker by trade. In 1998 I was working in a maternal and child health clinic. I knew exactly what they were talking about...Spina Bifida. I remember feeling calm and saying to my husband, "don't worry it will be okay". At that moment God gave me a peace that only he can give.
I held her for a few minutes and then they took her away to be transported to a local hospital. She was in surgery by noon. Other than the birth defect, there were no other complications with the delivery. My doctor let me go home that evening. We immediately went to the hospital to see our daughter. Over the next two weeks we learned about all the complications that come along with Spina Bifida. My emotions were on a roller coaster ride of knowing God would work this out and questioning why? How could this happen? Two weeks and two surgeries later we were able to take her home. (She also was diagnosed with hydrocephalus. She had a shunt place when she was a week old.)
I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't had my faith in God and recalled that early lesson from my father that "God works all things for good, for those that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose". God is going to use this for GOOD, ... somehow.
There were several epiphanies that I had during this time. One of them is that sometimes there is no answer to the question of "why"? Sometimes there are bad things that just happen to good people through no fault of there own. Even when you do everything right (like getting early prenatal care, not drinking and smoking during pregnancy and taking folic acid prior to pregnancy) bad things can still happen. I've learned the "why" may not be so important as the "okay now what are you gonna do".
The other was my belief that God doesn't CAUSE bad things to happen, he allows them to happen. Bad things happen in this world because there was a man and a woman in a garden who chose to disobey God and eat the forbidden fruit, thus bringing sin into the world. From that moment on LIFE got hard.
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, " I am being tempted by God," for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one.
James 1:12-13
God doesn't ask us to have faith because we have no trials, he asks us to have faith in spite of our trials.
Our daughter is now 13 years old and I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. It's been an interesting journey to say the least and I know there are new phases just around the corner. I think the hardest part for me has been trying to explain to her why she is the way she is. Helping her to understand that we may never know why, it is what is, now what are we going to do with it. All we can do is live with it and go forward with the best of our ability. Just like everyone we have our good days and our bad days, but we get through them, coming out on the other end stronger then we were before.
She has grown into a beautiful young lady, one of the bravest people I know. She is kind and compassionate and has a heart for children, especially those who are struggling with chronic disease and birth defects. I look forward to seeing all the wonderful things she will accomplish as she grows into a young adult.
Soon after our daughter was born, my uncle, who struggles with dystonia, gave me some very good advice. "Don't ever tell her she CAN'T do something." He wasn't saying don't tell her no, he was saying let her try. I have followed that advice. I have let her be who she is and try things I didn't think she could do. She has amazed me on a number of occasions. Thanks Uncle Albert.
So... to my daughter. Don't be afraid to try. You can do and be anything you want to be. So go and do it!!
To the rest of you...
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith...
James 1: 5-6a
Keep the faith, even a midst trials of various kinds. One day at a time he will get you through it, "perfect and complete".
Very uplifting. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteYou are very welcome
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