So I don't generally consider myself an anxious person. My husband is generally considered the worrier. But lately I have started to worry, not all the time, but more than I usually do. My current contract has been drastically reduced and I'm worried...
I've always worked in the non-profit world, so I'm used to living year to year on grant funding. In June of this year, my funding was not renewed, so I decided to leave my job and work for another non-profit. Several weeks before I was to leave one job for another, we received word that 1/2 the money we were expecting would not be coming. This was, to say the least, a significant blow. I decided to proceed as planned relying on my faith that things would work out. A call to action was sent out to the Board of Directors. We needed to replace 30,000 dollars and fast!! One of our advisory Board members suggested we apply for a grant that was being offered through a local church. She was member. We discussed the possibility with our executive team only to learn that our board treasurer was also a member of the congregation AND a grant writer. Jackpot!! Thank you God!! I was sure this was God's providence at work. Around this same time we were asked to apply for a grant with another local non-profit on a shared project. We met with foundation representatives, discussed the possibility of getting a grant funded, and while we weren't promised anything, I was pretty confident that we would get the money we needed. Things seemed to be falling into place nicely. We would have the opportunity to replace 15,000 with 55,000 between the two grants. This was it!! "Where God closes one window he opens another" Right?? This was God's next thing! I was sure of it. We learned in August that we didn't get the grant from the church. Oh well, we still had the 40,000 from the foundation. No problem. I was still feeling pretty confident. Well...we were notified in October that we did not get the foundation grant. Oh...we didn't?? Are you sure??? This was God's next thing!! What do you mean we didn't get the grant!!! Well my confidence was shaken to say the least.
Since October I've been asking myself, "What have I done?" Was this really God's plan for me and if so then why didn't it work out like I thought it would? Doubt crept into my faith. Not doubt in God, but doubt in my ability to hear God and follow his will.
Working in my current position has afforded me more time with my children and a flexible schedule. Due to a variety of issues we decided to home school our oldest daughter. Working in my current position has allowed me time to work with her and make sure she is getting the attention and assistance she needs with her school work. She also has some medical issues, my current position has allowed me time for doctor's appointments. It's also allowed me to be at home more making sure she is taken care of. This school year I've been able to pick my youngest daughter up from school on a regular basis. I've been able to spend more time with her and help her with her homework. It's been exactly what I needed when I needed it.
Things did not work out like I had planned, but maybe... they worked out just as God had planned.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. --Isaiah 55:8-9
The bottom line is this: God know's what he's doing. We can't always see around the corner, but God can. So don't worry, be happy...have patience and God's plan will reveal itself.
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