The Journey Begins...

The year was 1971.  I was born the last of three children to parents who had a deep seeded faith in God.  When I was a child my faith was their faith, but as I grew my faith became my own.  


I don't remember many details about my childhood, but I do recall pieces of my faith blooming and growing in the Mennonite Church.  I remember having a great passion for God and his will for my life.  I was baptized in the Mennonite Church when I was 12.  There are those who are baptized to join "a church".  I don't recall that as my motivation.  What I remember is that I wanted to be baptized because that is what God calls us to do.       


When I was 15 we moved to Brownsville, TX.  I remember my dad coming into my room to talk with me about the possibility of moving to Texas.  What did I think? Our family had an opportunity to join a program called "Voluntary Service".  It's sort of like missionary work.  I thought to myself.  "It's Texas, it's just next door... (to Oklahoma) I can come visit anytime I want.  I had no IDEA how large Texas was and that it took 18 hours to go from one end to the other.  I also had no IDEA that I was basically moving to another country, with a completely different culture and different language.  We spent three years in Brownsville.  I have often reflected on those years as the WORST years of my life.  I went to two different high schools in those three years.  I didn't look like most everyone else, I didn't speak the language. As a teenager, I remember feeling miserable and lost.    I begged my dad to let me come home to Oklahoma.  He didn't.  I'm sure there were many times that I begged him but only one time sticks out in my memory and has helped me in my faith journey.  I'm not one that memorizes scripture easily but there is one scripture I will never forget.  As I sat on the tailgate of a truck with my dad he quoted Romans 8:28. "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." This is the verse that has sustained me through my journey of faith. As I've grown older and reflected more I have come to realize it was those three years that helped to shape who I am today, for better and for worse.  I have come to remember the positive memories as well as the negative.  As I think about the cross roads in my life, Brownsville was a very significant one.  


2011 was a challenge for me.  It has been my latest cross road.  I feel like I've been stuck at this cross road for a year or more.  This is a new experience for me. I've just turned 40.  I'm struggling.  As much as I can remember I've always known what God's will has been for my life.  I've felt secure in the decisions I've made related to my career choices and my family.  I'm not feeling so secure now.  In someways I feel I've lost the ability to hear God and his direction.  I know he is still there.  I know he is listening and he is constantly speaking to me.  Maybe he's just not saying what I want him to say.  What I hear him saying now is... be patient.    This is the longest I've spent at a cross road, that I can recall.  I haven 't lost my faith that God will lead me in the right direction, he always has.  God's time is not our time.  So I'll sit at this cross road and wait...


For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for peace and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. --Jeremiah 29:11


While I'm waiting, I thought it would be helpful for me to reflect on my faith journey and the cross roads that brought me to where I am today.  Maybe through this reflection I'll find myself again and hear the voice of God loud and clear.